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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22643059">Are you here or just in my head?</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/angrywarrior69/pseuds/angrywarrior69'>angrywarrior69</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Doctor Who (2005)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Blood, Choking, Fighting, Multi, dead planets, fear alien, i just took the episode description and ran with it, non-con elements but nothing happens really, the doctor is thick and yaz is quick, the master is an evil little shit, this is rated explicit because there is violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 01:26:29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,082</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22643059</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/angrywarrior69/pseuds/angrywarrior69</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>'The fam enters the TARDIS before her, she slides inside and closes the creaky door behind them. The group slowly makes their way around the console room, but before she can break the eerie silence, the walls of the room begin to fizzle and crackle from blue to red. The Doctor shoots her hand to the console to diagnose the problem but the panel has changed into unfamiliar kit.</p><p>Laughter sounds in their ears. A deep, melodic cackle.'</p><p>A fic in which I play with the deepest fear idea.</p><p>[UPDATE] I added a second chapter that is 99% Thasmin hurt/comfort. None of the previous warnings apply for chapter 2.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Thirteenth Doctor/The Master (Dhawan), Thirteenth Doctor/Yasmin Khan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>36</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>185</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I started this before Praxeus aired so don't expect this to be anything like the episode 'can you hear me?' I am a simple woman who takes episode descriptions and runs away with them.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Another day, another adventure.</p>
<p>At least that's what she keeps telling herself as she and her empty-eyed companions make their way back to the TARDIS.</p>
<p>Their most recent trip had been troubling to say the least. An alien with the ability to make one's deepest fears a reality had plagued each of her fellow travelers. The fam had run from a variety of maddening and terrifying things that were specifically catered to them and were looking forward to a much needed rest.</p>
<p><em>The alien hadn't gone after you.</em> Yaz so kindly points out on the walk back. The Doctor deflects the observation with some nonsense about Time Lord biology being so different from everything else around that the alien didn't have the time or energy to change tactics to get her.</p>
<p>A lie.</p>
<p>She had no idea why the alien hadn't come after her, and the lies came so easily these days that they hardly even registered in the Doctor's mind any more. She would say anything, do anything to keep her companions blind to the life she'd lived before them.</p>
<p>The fam enters the TARDIS first, she slides inside and closes the creaky door behind them. The group slowly makes their way around the console room, but before she can break the eerie silence, the walls of the room begin to fizzle and crackle from blue to red. The Doctor shoots her hand to the console to diagnose the problem but the panel has changed into unfamiliar kit.</p>
<p>Laughter sounds in their ears. A deep, melodic cackle.</p>
<p>At first, it wisps at their minds like a far way echo, barely audible. But it soon becomes crisp, as if the noise was being produced in the static air around them. The room shifts in their eyes and dissolves into hues of red and brown. The walls shimmer from their crystalline appearance into dust-covered wood panels, the center console shines ominously at them in it's new simplistic form.</p>
<p>The Doctor looks to her friends confused faces, hiding her own panic with the apology in her eyes. <em>I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I've been such an idiot. Will you ever forgive me?</em></p>
<p>Swift as the breath she takes in to speak, he appears next to her. Laughing, full toothy smile and purple plaid suit and all. He begins inputting coordinates.</p>
<p>“What are you doing?” The Doctor seethes at him.</p>
<p>“I'm taking us for a vacation,” he replies smoothly.</p>
<p>Rust-colored light pours in through the windows and when he looks at her she can see in his eyes how much he's enjoying himself. “How long has it been since you've been home?”</p>
<p>The only indication that his TARDIS has landed is a low, soft hum as it settles down.</p>
<p>Panic and anger grip at her chest and she finds herself shaking and backing away from him.</p>
<p>“No,” she breathes. An exhale so weak only the Master wearing his jester smile, entering her personal space, can hear.</p>
<p>“Time for you to face it, dear.” A manic grin blossoms on his face.</p>
<p>“What's going on Doctor?” Yaz asks, frantic.</p>
<p>“Stay away from her!” Graham yells.</p>
<p>She sees her companions move double time on their feet toward her, but the Master is faster and has her turned around and headed for the door before they get too far.</p>
<p>“Stay back!” She shouts, trying to twist her head away as large fingers pull at her hair and the shoulder of her coat to force her forward.</p>
<p>She stumbles and tries to dig her heels in.</p>
<p>“Why bother to protect them now?” He growls. “They're finally about to see the real you!” He exclaims with childish glee.</p>
<p>He kicks open the door of his own TARDIS. Old, rotten wood bursts to splinters around the handle and frame. The door swings outward and the light that pours in is blinding.</p>
<p>Sickeningly familiar orange light beats into the room and bathes the bodies of all it's occupants. The Doctor jerks to escape but the hands holding her seize and the grip grows painfully tight. Suddenly, she is being dragged through the threshold, her double heartbeat racing. The protests of her friends are muted by the pounding in her ears.</p>
<p>“No!” She screams.</p>
<p>Intense heat and the acrid smell of a burning world assaults her senses. Her nostrils sting and her eyes water from the offensive combination. Ash falls from the sky like snow. The Master drags her outside even as she fights him with all her strength. Their struggle kicks up the loose ash and dirt around them. He pulls her forward and forces her to look at the burning citadel in the distance.</p>
<p>“Don't you just love what I've done with the place, baby?” He hums.</p>
<p>A sick, hysterical laugh bursts from his lungs as he sees the pained expression on her face.</p>
<p>“Why don't we go for a stroll?”</p>
<p>He pulls her back slightly before throwing her down a hill that should be covered in crimson grass, but instead is littered in rubble that is covered in thick layer of orange-tinted ash. The momentum sends her down and she can't stop herself from falling, rolling unceremoniously down the incline. She hears cracking as she goes, sharp objects obscured by the powder and dirt snap under her weight and slice at her.</p>
<p>The disturbed ash swirls around and goes everywhere. It's in her hair and her clothes, in her eyes and mouth. She tries to cough it out of her lungs as she lands on her hands and knees at the base of the hill and looks up to see him stalking toward her, cold anger written over his features. The path she went down is clear now, and she sees that the ground is covered in bones. The realization rips a gasp from her lips.</p>
<p>She only manages to get to her knees before he's upon her again, grabbing a fistful of her jacket and shirt. His fist swings down and connects with her face, forcing her head to snap back. She's dizzy, disoriented. Pain radiates from her cheek. She tries to pry his hand off of her clothes and is rewarded with knuckles to her eye socket. He hits her again, and again, and again, laughing at her misery, at her weakness.</p>
<p>Her arms fly up to protect her face and he pushes her down to the ground, kicking at her ribs. Rage swells within her, she grits her teeth and turns to grab his boot, but he pulls it away and instead leaps on top of her, straddling her, pummeling her face and chest until she's docile.</p>
<p>He stops and watches her, reveling in the way her breath hitches, the way she flinches when he touches the tears and blood on her damaged face. Something close to concern settles across his features for a moment. She hears her companions running down the hill and the Master shakes from excitement.</p>
<p>“Doctor!” Yaz shouts.</p>
<p>“Get away from 'er!” Graham yells.</p>
<p>“Yeah! Step away!” Ryan protests.</p>
<p>He leans in close to her bloodied face and giggles. “Watch this.”</p>
<p>He stands and spins dramatically, coattails sailing in the wind. The Doctor stays on the ground, too sore to move. She sees her three companions running to her, ignoring the bones and ash and the murderous maniac between them. The Master removes something from his pocket, raises his arm over his head, and smashes it on the ground. A blue cloud puffs out of it and forms a large bubble, a barrier that surrounds the Doctor and the Master. The companions run into the force field and stumble back, shocked for a moment before Yaz begins to beat on it with her fists. The others follow suit.</p>
<p>Paths that look like lightning spread through the energy dome when they pound on the translucent barrier. They continue to shout for her as the Master returns his attention to his prize.</p>
<p>“How much do they know?”</p>
<p>“S-stop it,” the Doctor croaks.</p>
<p>His conniving smile turns to a frown and then contorts into anger. He's in her face again, yanking at the collar of her shirt, shouting. “What do they know?!”</p>
<p>The Doctor merely looks at him, unfazed by his mood swings. “Kosch-”</p>
<p>He backhands her before she can finish and stands, straightening his coat.</p>
<p>“Keep that word out of your mouth, love.”</p>
<p>The Doctor blinks, trying to make sense of everything around her. Everything hurts, the Master has turned to face her companions who are about ten feet away on the other side of the barrier. She begins the slow struggle to stand, rolling onto her side and propping herself up as he taunts them.</p>
<p>“Do any of you know where we are?” he laughs.</p>
<p>“Look, I don't care where we are, mate. You need to get away from her.” Graham says, punctuating his words with a finger pointed at the Master.</p>
<p>“Oh, her?” he says like he'd forgotten about her.</p>
<p>The Master turns and sees the Doctor pushing herself off the ground slowly. He returns to her side just to kick her back down into the dirt. She grunts and splays onto her back, her long coat torn and stained wraps around her legs, exhaustion and pain keep her down this time.</p>
<p>“If you do so much as touch her again-” Yaz starts and is cut off by the Master's laughter.</p>
<p>“You'll do <em>what?</em>” He taunts, knowing he's in control. Knowing they're all powerless. “You know,” he drawls, eyes shifting to the Doctor where she breathes heavily on the ground, “she's a lot more dangerous than me.”</p>
<p>“What are you talking about?” Ryan interjects. “You're a murderous creep and she saves people for a living!”</p>
<p>At that the Master cackles, tipping his head back to laugh at the sky before doubling over to follow his mania through it's natural course. He calms after a moment and wipes the tears of joy from his eyes. The Doctor tries to get her hands to cooperate as she attempts to silently reach into her coat.</p>
<p>“Look around you!” he screams, body shaking with rage. “This planet was our <em>home</em> and it's gone because of <em>her!</em>”</p>
<p>The fam exchange scared and worried glances. The Master laughs at their ignorance and turns to the Doctor, finding her searching her too-deep coat pocket with trembling hands.</p>
<p>“Looking for this?” He asks, holding up her sonic before tossing it aside. It collides with the perimeter of the bubble and bounces off. Lightning-like flashes scorch their way up one side and back down the opposite. “You really must think so little of me, Doctor.”</p>
<p>He lunges and grabs fistfuls of her coat, dragging her up to her knees, easily arranging her the way he wants in her disoriented state. Her companions begin to beat on the energy field again. He positions himself on one knee behind her and folds her left arm across her chest, securing her wrist in his right hand, effectively pinning her arms to her body, and her body to his. The other hand slides to her neck and he tightens the pressure around her ribs and throat until she gasps and flinches. She is fairly certain that her fam is protesting, but every touch and sound ricochets as a cacophony of pain pounding in her head.</p>
<p>“What do you want?” the Doctor wheezes.</p>
<p>Master uses the hand on her neck to lift her chin, making her look at him. He looks like an innocent man in this moment. Eyes search her face tenderly, eagerly. His voice is soft.</p>
<p>“What I've always wanted.” He steals a kiss from her split lips and deepens it when he feels her try to pull away. The pressure and movement sting the Doctors flesh. His eyes are closed when he pulls back and despite the blood transferred to his face, he looks at peace. “Your attention,” he hums.</p>
<p>Mania quickly settles again on his face and he fishes through his pocket, pulling out a familiar device and holding it up to the Doctor's face so she doesn't have to guess what it is. He points the tissue compressor at her companions.</p>
<p>“Pick one,” he mumbles into her neck.</p>
<p>The Doctor can feel fresh tears welling in her eyes as she comes to understand how events are about to unfold.</p>
<p>“No,” she grinds out through clenched teeth.</p>
<p>“Pick one or I'll do it for you.” His lips close around her neck and the faux intimacy makes her shiver.</p>
<p>“Doctor!” Yas shouts, “What if this is because of the alien? What if none of this is real?”</p>
<p>The Master scowls and points his shrink ray at Yaz, and with an electric snap echoing through the air, she disappears. Well, doesn't disappear completely, but becomes so small that the shrunken version of herself looks no bigger than a grain of sand from the Doctor's perspective as it plummets to the dirt.</p>
<p>“Yaz!” The Doctor screams and struggles in the Master's hold, not caring about the pain radiating through her body. She has to get free, has to protect her family. She is frantic.</p>
<p>“Who's next?” He laughs.</p>
<p>“No, no, no!” The Doctor continues to struggle.</p>
<p>“Doc, what if Yaz is right?” Graham yells.</p>
<p>“Yeah what if this is that tattooed bloke from earlier?” Ryan suggests.</p>
<p>The Master shows his dislike by pointing the device at Graham, “Grandfather?” he swings it to Ryan, “or grandson?”</p>
<p><em>“Fuck you,”</em> the Doctor spits out.</p>
<p>“Perhaps later, dear. I'm a bit busy at the moment.”</p>
<p>In seconds, Graham and Ryan are gone, shrunken and small as the pebbles of rubble they fall into. The Master flippantly tosses the tissue compressor over his shoulder, seemingly done with it. Tears fall freely down the Doctor's face, leaving wet streaks through the ash and dirt and blood on her face. He positions himself in front of her and folds her gently into his arms, smiling fondly and stroking her hair as she cries.</p>
<p>“Why?” she lashes out and pushes him away from her.</p>
<p>This time he acquiesces and allows there to be some distance between them.</p>
<p>“Everything I do, I do for you, Doctor. You know that.”</p>
<p>“I don't want this,” she sniffs.</p>
<p>“Then it's a good thing I know what's best for the both of us.” He says, creeping closer to her until she can feel the warmth of his body close to her own. “You've been alone. Rogue and hurting for how long Doctor? Come with me and let me make the tough decisions for once. Let me love you the way you need to be loved.”</p>
<p>Her gaze swings from him to her dead friends, before turning completely to the burning citadel. Fatigue begins to claw it's way out of the depths of her soul. Her hearts ache and her breathing becomes uneven. She has never felt so small.</p>
<p>“Never,” she breathes.</p>
<p>That must have angered him. The next thing she knows she's on her back with the wind knocked out of her. He's straddling her hips and pulling at her clothes, cold calculation in his dark eyes. She slaps and pushes at his hands as he tries to hold her down.</p>
<p>“Don't do this.”</p>
<p>“If can't have you forever at least we can be together now. Here, in the ashes of our planet,” he laughs as he grabs at her arms to prevent her from hitting him.</p>
<p>Swiftly, she brings her knee up and connects with his groin. His face contorts and he stills for a second, giving her the opportunity to push him away. She scrambles to her feet and backs away, only remembering the force field when it stops her. The lightning splinters around the dome and he looks angrier than before as he rises.</p>
<p>The Doctor looks for a way out, <em>there is always a way out</em>, she tells herself. Unfortunately, the shrink ray and her sonic screwdriver are behind the Master and he's walking toward her. Her friend's, correction, <em>her family's</em> words finally register in her head. <em>The alien</em>. Her mouth forms an “O” as she realizes how daft she's been.</p>
<p>“Quick decision,” she says aloud and closes her eyes.</p>
<p>All her fear, regret, anxiety, and pain is pushed aside as she enters a meditative state so fast that she's not sure if the Master has knocked her unconscious, or if her plan has actually worked, until she hears a familiar hum.</p>
<p>She opens her eyes and finds herself back in her TARDIS. Relief rolls over her and she looks around to see her friend's shell-shocked faces.</p>
<p>“Sorry about that, fam,” she offers meekly with a poorly handled fake smile.</p>
<p>She motions to take a step but her legs suddenly feel like jelly and the control room turns upside down. She crashes to the deck and darkness embraces her.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. the aftermath</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>“Yeaaggghhh!” The Doctor wakes and realizes she's already sitting upright.</p>
<p>She takes deep breaths, disturbed by the images slowly fading from her mind as she regains consciousness. Her eyes dart around looking for danger, looking for people that need to be saved, but find none. Exhaustion seeps back into her as the adrenaline fades. Someone moves next to her and she flinches back, ready to defend herself.</p>
<p>“Doctor?” Yaz asks softly, her large doe-like eyes close to her, “Are you alright?”</p>
<p>“Yaz?”</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>my best attempt at 13/Yaz hurt/comfort after the nightmare they all lived through in the previous chapter</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>The walls of the building shake. Blood is splattered across every surface. She looks down and her hands are stained crimson. The ground trembles and makes it hard to run. She has to run. She has to save them. Save them all. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Again. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Their screams grow louder and louder and soon it's all she can hear. The smell of burning flesh invades her senses and the heat of the fire stings even through her clothes. It doesn't matter though. She runs until her legs feel like lead and her lungs are working overtime. She runs, but doesn't know if it's to or from where she wants to be. A billion billion screams echo in her head and suddenly...</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Silence.</em>
</p>
<p>“<em>Yeaaggghhh!”</em> The Doctor wakes and realizes she's already sitting upright.</p>
<p>She takes deep breaths, disturbed by the images slowly fading from her mind as she regains consciousness. Her eyes dart around looking for danger, looking for people that need to be saved, but find none. Exhaustion seeps back into her as the adrenaline fades. Someone moves next to her and she flinches back, ready to defend herself.</p>
<p>“Doctor?” Yaz asks softly, her large doe-like eyes close to her, “Are you alright?”</p>
<p>“Yaz?”</p>
<p>The Doctor swallows when she hears how raspy her voice is. She looks around and sees that she is in her own room. Strange, considering the TARDIS usually keeps it deep in the belly of her ever-changing labyrinth. She feels hot and removes the blanket. Her coat, boots, and suspenders are gone. She looks to Yaz, indignantly.</p>
<p>“Why have you gone undressing me? What happened?”</p>
<p>Yaz raises her eyebrows, “You collapsed! I suppose we didn't think you'd want to sleep fully clothed like a child.”</p>
<p>“<em>We?”</em></p>
<p>“Yeah, you remember Ryan and Graham? We picked them up a while back,” she says tersely.</p>
<p>“You're being short with me,” The Doctor observes as she swings her leg over the side of the bed. The movement making her head swim for a second before stilling.</p>
<p>Yaz's face twists up and she stands to pace before stopping suddenly to look at her.</p>
<p>“What was that, Doctor?”</p>
<p>The Doctor keeps her face mostly to the floor but raises her eyes to her companion.</p>
<p>“It's personal,” she says coldly.</p>
<p>Yaz shakes her head and approaches the bedside before lowering herself to her knees so that her eyes are just lower than the Doctor's.</p>
<p>“We all saw what you saw, Doctor. We were there. Even after he shrunk us, it was like we could still watch what was happening. We all saw it.”</p>
<p>The Doctor purses her lips and looks away. “I'm sorry you had to see that.”</p>
<p>“Doctor,” Yaz nearly places a hand on the time lord's knee, but decides against it when she notices her friend eye it warily. Instead she threads her fingers together in her lap, “We're friends, right? You've even gone so far as to call us family. Well, family helps each other. And I-- <em>we,</em> think you need help.”</p>
<p>The Doctor gives her a smile that doesn't quite reach her eyes and shakes her head slightly. “I'm really alright, Yaz. Thanks for asking.”</p>
<p>She stands, looking for her coat, and Yaz jumps to her feet, standing in front of her, blocking the path to the door.</p>
<p>“No.”</p>
<p>“No?” The Doctor parrots, attention torn between finder her coat and her companion.</p>
<p>“You're obviously not alright. No one can be alright after something like that happens to them.” Her words are getting faster. “You're not going anywhere until you open up and tell me what's wrong.”</p>
<p>The Doctor frowns a little before facing Yaz and putting her hands on her hips. “I'm fine,” she says with a little shrug of her shoulder.</p>
<p>Yaz's eyebrows knit together and her jaw drops in a disbelieving look.</p>
<p>The Doctor motions to move around, but Yaz sidesteps and stays in the way. The Doctor groans and spins around dramatically, throwing her hands out and slapping them down on her thighs. She nibbles at her lip as she contemplates just lifting Yaz out of the way. It would be easy enough.</p>
<p>“Was it true what he said? Was that really your home planet?” The Doctor's shoulder's slump and Yaz can see that she's struck a nerve. “What happened to it? Why is that Master bloke so obsessed with you?”</p>
<p>“Get out of my way, Yaz,” the Doctor warns.</p>
<p>“Or what?” Yaz tests.</p>
<p>The Doctor's features fall, she steps right up into Yaz's personal space so they are toe to toe. A flash of fear passes through Yaz's eyes and the Doctor immediately steps back, disgusted with herself. She runs her hands down her face and sits back down on the bed.</p>
<p>“I am so sorry,” the Doctor says sincerely.</p>
<p>After a moment's pause, Yaz grabs a nearby chair and sits across from the Doctor.</p>
<p>“Apology almost accepted,” she folds her arms, “now tell me what's bothering you.”</p>
<p>The Doctor goes very still, “I don't know where to start.”</p>
<p>Yaz considers her words for a moment. “You got all different after the incident with the Kasaavin and the Master. We all felt like you were hiding something.” The Doctor begins to pick at lint on her trousers. “Were you?”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” she stops fiddling with her pant leg and regards Yaz. “I never mentioned it, but I was alone with the Master multiple times that day,” she sighs, “once in industrial London, once in world war two Paris and once in the TARDIS after he'd been taken by the Kasaavin.” She stops talking. Her eyes fall and she looks uncomfortable.</p>
<p>“What happened in London?” Yaz prompts.</p>
<p>The Doctor shifts visibly on the bed and her eyes dart to the door.</p>
<p>“It's okay, Doctor. It's just you and I here and I'm not gonna judge ya one bit.”</p>
<p>The woman gives one slow nod.</p>
<p>“He-- he made me kneel. In front of him. In front of a crowd. After he'd murdered some of them with his tissue compressor. He said he had news from home, but we were interrupted.” A smile tugs at the corner of her mouth. “Ada Lovelace shot him in the arm with a steam-powered gun,” her hands fly up in appeasement, “not that I approve. I hate guns. He was just being so cocky.”</p>
<p>“I've noticed you were adverse to them.”</p>
<p>The Doctor nods again, her eyes seem to lose focus and her voice is low when she speaks. “I used to be a soldier. There was a war.”</p>
<p>Yaz can almost feel the distress radiating off the Doctor. She sees her breathing pick up and her hands curl into fists. When she doesn't offer any more information on the topic, Yaz decides to put that one on the back burner for now.</p>
<p>“What about Paris?” Yaz asks, dipping low to catch the Doctor's eyes.</p>
<p>She takes a deep breath and lays her hands flat on her legs. “Ada and I found a resistance operative and she hid us from the nazis. She had a crawl space under her floor boards. I still can't believe they emptied so many rounds into the floor and didn't hit either of us. Lucky, I guess.” The Doctor gives a half-shrug half-smile.</p>
<p>Yaz does her best to not let her worry show, nodding for her to continue.</p>
<p>“Anyway I arranged a meeting with the Master at the top of the Eiffel Tower and he told me that our home planet, that Galifrey had been destroyed. I didn't believe him of course,” her face scrunches slightly, “he's lied to me so many times in the past. I set up a trap for him and he got pretty angry, had me halfway bent over the railing before he decided not to push me over. I left him to those monsters. Jammed his perception filter so they saw him for what he truly was...”</p>
<p>The Doctor trails off, but Yaz is determined to get her to talk more. “And in the TARDIS afterward?”</p>
<p>The Doctor let's out an uneasy breath through her nose and Yaz can see the flush on her cheeks and the tears threatening to spill from her eyes.</p>
<p>“He--” she stops to swallow, “he left me a geo-activated message. One that would only reveal itself if I went home.” The Doctor begins to curl in on herself, she's slouched, hair blocking her face, and her fingers are white where they grip her knees. She's trembling.</p>
<p>“He destroyed it, Yaz,” her voice breaks, “he killed all those people, he destroyed everything I'd worked so hard and so long to protect and-- and--” she chokes on the words, unable to get them out.</p>
<p>A sob escapes from her lips and she slaps a hand over her mouth, the other arm moving to wrap around her midsection. Even now, she tries desperately to hold herself together, she can't even look at Yaz as she muffles her cries and allows her tears to fall.</p>
<p>Yaz's heart breaks for the woman in front of her. She is suffering so much and believes she needs to do it alone.</p>
<p>“Doctor, can I hold you?”</p>
<p>It's barely there, but the Doctor nods. Yaz sits on the bed and wraps one arm around her friend's trembling shoulders and uses her other hand to remove the Doctor's fist from between her teeth. Once Yaz gets both her arms around the Doctor's shaking frame, all the pretense crumbles away.</p>
<p>The Doctor flings her arms around Yaz's midsection and cries long and hard into her friends shoulder. Her fingers pull at the fabric of Yaz's jacket as the violent sobs take her. Yaz holds the Doctor tightly as her own tears being to fall. She wishes she could take all the pain away for her friend, but knows she can't. So instead she holds the Doctor tighter and tighter until the woman stops hyperventilating.</p>
<p>There is a long while afterwards where the pair sit together and allow their tears to come and go as needed. Yaz strokes the Doctor's hair and whispers sweet words to her whenever the sobs return and surge out of the Doctor's small frame.</p>
<p>Eventually, even though she still shakes, her breathing becomes less shallow and she slowly leans back. Yaz wants nothing more than to keep holding her, but allows her arms to fall away. The Doctor wipes her face before looking up. Her hazel eyes are bloodshot and her skin has a pink blush across it.</p>
<p>“I'm so sorry, Doctor,” Yas says.</p>
<p>The Doctor reaches out and squeezes Yaz's hand gently. “Me too.”</p>
<p>Yaz sees the Doctor's eyes droop, “I can leave if you're tired,” she offers. The Doctor's eyes shoot to hers a little too quickly, a motion just short of panic, and Yaz scrambles, “Or- well-- you know-- if you like-- I could stay.”</p>
<p>“Will the others worry?” The Doctor asks, fatigue evident in her voice.</p>
<p>Yaz laughs, “They're probably already worried. The TARDIS wouldn't even let them find their way back here after we dropped you off.”</p>
<p>The TARDIS emits a satisfied blip and hum, the corner of the Doctor's mouth turns up.</p>
<p>“You know, that means she thinks you're good for me,” The Time Lord says as she makes her way backward on the bed and settles on her side, facing Yaz. Even though she props her head up on one arm, Yaz can see she's quickly falling asleep. “She's always trying to set me up with the pretty ones,” The Doctor mumbles.</p>
<p>Yaz is glad the Doctor's eyes are closed so that she doesn't see her blush.</p>
<p>“I'm just going to let the others know that we're alright and I'll be right back.”</p>
<p>The Doctor hums in response.</p>
<p>It doesn't take Yaz more than a few minutes to find the men back in the console room. Even though they protest about Yaz's briefness with them, they seem to understand that the Doctor had opened up and needs some time before she shows herself again. It takes Yaz even less time to find the Doctor's room when she goes back.</p>
<p>When Yaz enters this time, the room is dim. Tiny lights that twinkle like stars cover the ceiling in a convincing night sky, and the far wall swirls with a rainbow nebula Yaz has never seen before. The Doctor is in mostly the same position as she was when Yaz had left, but she is under the covers and the outside corner of the sheets is pulled back in invitation.</p>
<p>Yaz stands there for a moment too long, thoughts racing about the implications of getting into bed with the Doctor when the woman stirs.</p>
<p>“You're thinking too loud,” she sighs into her pillow.</p>
<p>“Sorry,” Yaz respond immediately even though she is unsure of how that is possible. “Are you sure you want me to get into bed with ya?”</p>
<p>“You don't have to.”</p>
<p>“Well, I want to but only if you're sure--”</p>
<p>The Doctor interrupts her, eyes still closed, “It's been so long since I held someone.”</p>
<p>Yaz shakes her head, not believing she didn't hop into the bed right away, this had been a fantasy of hers for a while now, and now that it was actually happening she wasn't going to squander her chance. She takes off her shoes and jacket and gingerly climbs under the covers, facing away from the Doctor.</p>
<p>Just when Yaz believes her friend has fallen asleep, she feels an arm wrap around her midsection and the Doctor nudges closer until their bodies are almost flush.</p>
<p>“Thanks,” the Doctor mumbles into her back.</p>
<p>“Get some sleep,” Yaz orders softly.</p>
<p>Her only response is a small, satisfied hum. Yaz fills her thoughts with happy distracting things until sleep eventually claims her as well.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i'm thinking about doing like a 13/Yaz hurt/comfort second chapter but idk if y'all are into that</p></blockquote></div></div>
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